MS Walks 2009

This year, I participated in TWO MS Walks, one in Fargo, ND, and the annual walk I do in Minneapolis. B. participated in her first walk this year as well, in Fargo. She raised well over $500 for the cause - awesome!

Why two walks you ask? Well, Amanda lives in Fargo, and she was chosen to be the walk ambassador or grand marshal up there! What an honor! Tons of people from her school community came out and walked for her (Wildcat Walkers), and I think she organized the biggest team by far. I was incredibly proud of her, and I was also very touched to see how many lives she has affected. She is clearly adored by her community, and it was wonderful to be a part of that. What an honor! Really, pretty neat.

The walk in Fargo went really well - the weather was perfect, and the community made a big deal out of it. A drum corps came to lead us, a local radio station hosted the pre-walk, the local mascots cheered us on, and the Walk even made the news (we saw Manda leading us out - pretty dang awesome!). I think they managed to raise a decent amount of money as well, which is the point of the walk after all. Plus, I got to spend the day with my family - everyone but Trav made it there. That was REALLY nice, as I miss everyone. I hate that my sisters live far away. Anyway, the Fargo walk was a great success, and I'm glad B and I could participate!

The Twin Cities walk was also a great success this year, though their fundraising efforts were really hurt by the economy. That sucks, as MS doesn't stop during recessions. Depite the disappointing results, the walk was a blast. Dad and I enjoyed PERFECT weather, I wasn't nearly killed by a flying tent, and we finished the walk in a little more than 2 hours - not too bad for a 6.5 mile walk! I managed to make my fundraising goal, but mostly because of one extremely generous donor - my mom! To everyone who donated, thank you so much! I will be sending formal thank yous and receipts soon - I apologize for the long delay, but the house, work, and the wedding have been kicking my butt! I hope you'll forgive me and continue to support me in future walks. :) I hope to be better next year.

A trip down memory lane

I was recently invited to participate in a panel at the College of Saint Benedict, my alma mater, to discuss what it was like to be a gay student and what it's now like to be a gay alum. I happily accepted the invitation, and I made the trek to central Minnesota last Monday. B, Michelle (another alum), and Michelle's girlfriend Bev joined me. We arrived with enough time to show B and Bev the campus a bit, which was fun. I hadn't been up there in years, and it was interesting to see that while many things have changed, many things have also stayed exactly the same. The sandwich shop that we used to eat at, BoDids, smelled EXACTLY the same. I also loved hearing the library bells...almost transported me back in time. Walking around campus definitely made me me feel old though, especially by the first year dorms. I guess that makes sense, as those students are 18 or 19 years old...young pups compared to my wise and seasoned 32 year old self - HA!

After we ate dinner and completed our mini-tour, it was time for Michelle and me to go speak. Surprisngly, there was a really good turnout! I'm guessing many of the students were required to attend for class, but who cares? At least there were people there. :) It was good to see, and I hope they took something from the presentation.

Not surprisingly, I spoke my mind about CSB and central Minnesota. It's probably important to note here that I was the "Big Lesbian On Campus" duing my sophomore, junior, and senior years, meaning I was out and very active in promoting equal rights for GLBT students. I was so out that if people hung out with me, they were presumed to be gay by default. :) Anyway, during the presentation, I noted that while I made some lifelong friends during my four years there, it was also a very difficult place to be as a lesbian at times. So difficult in fact that I often contemplated transferring to a different school and at times actually felt a bit unsafe. My friend's car was vandalized for having a rainbow sticker, and I was offered a security escort after Matthew Shepard was killed (because we were planning a rally to address that sort of violence). After recounting my difficulties, I specifically addressed any gay students in the audience and said, "if you are gay, get out of central Minnesota." LOL - I guess I was a little blunt. During the question and answer period, one student asked me why I felt the Twin Cities were better, and I then had to rattle off reasons such as, "it's bigger, more populated, diverse community filled with all sorts of people, more progressive attitudes, etc." I also stated that I felt safer in the South visiting family than I did in central Minnesota, which is true (though, I've never traveled alone in the south, and I've never been in the middle of nowhere in the south - I imagine I could rapidly become more scared down there). Anyway, after the follow up question, all I could picture was some headline in the student newspaper saying something like, "Alum tells students to get out of central Minnesota." Nice!

I often wonder if I'm generally too blunt about things, but after some thought on this presentation, I've decided I wasn't too blunt about CSB. I spoke MY truth about MY experience up there. I had a blast at college, but things certainly could have been a lot better too. No one should have to think about having a regular security escort or have to worry about being jumped late at night (that was over at St. John's more than St. Ben's, but still not cool). I shouldn't have had to be worried about harassment and staring, or hate-filled emails from other students. Alas, that was CSB in 1999, and unfortunately, it sounds like it was CSB during the early and mid-2000s and that it is still CSB now.

Despite the difficulties I had there, I'm glad I stayed and stood up for equality. Things will never change in places like that if people don't stay and fight (same goes for the Church - it won't change if all GLBTers abandon it, but that's not a fight I could stay in as I can't stand religion for the most part). Obviously, my life would have been much easier if I had transferred to Smith or St. Kates (the schools I wanted to attend), but I think CSB is a much more accurate reflection of the so-called real world. Most places aren't hotbeds of liberalism or equal rights activity, and I learned a lot of lessons while struggling to fit in in such a place. In Minneapolis/Saint Paul, I rarely worry about being gay - I hold B's hand in public, I kiss her, I call her my partner, girlfriend, fiancee, etc. without really worrying. Unfortuantely, I still don't feel comfortable or safe doing that in most places, including CSB and even my hometown in Carver County. So, what I'm trying to say is that I am glad I didn't transfer because CSB was good preparation for dealing with most of the country. I'm also glad I live in liberal cities now, as I don't think I have the energy to fight so hard on a daily basis in a different place. A girl can only do so much afterall!

All in all, it was great to be back at CSB, and it was great to be a part of the presentation. As I told B, Michelle, and Bev during the ride home, I think the trip up was worth it if we helped just one gay student. It was also worth it if even one straight student got the message and starts challenging his or her peers to be more accepting and kind. Hopefully we had that sort of impact, but I'll never know. Real change is often frustratingly slow, as it requires every single person to think about things in a different way. Regardless, I'm glad I went, and I'm hopeful that we made an impact, even if it was slight. One day at a time, right? :)

40 in the blink of an eye

Lately it seems like my life is flying by right before my eyes. Somehow, it's already mid-March of 2009. 2009! Where did 2005 go? Or 1995 for that matter? Honestly, I sometimes feel like I'll wake up one day and I'll be 40 years old without knowing what happened. This makes me sad, as I don't want my life to go by without even knowing what I was doing - basically, without enjoying it.

Unfortunately, I'm not sure what I can do about it, as the reason my life seems to be flying by is normal life stuff - work, buying a house, etc. Instead, I think I need to figure out a way to slow down and enjoy the journey - enjoy the work, the home buying, the furniture shopping, etc. I don't want to wake up and be 40 or 50 and not have enjoyed that time. Life is too short to not live in the moment more - now I just need to figure out how to implement this change. That's always the key, isn't it? The doing is much harder than the thinking! Oh well, I have to start somewhere!

One of the worst places to live?

The Pew Research Center recently released a poll ranking people's choices for the U.S. cities in which they would like to live. I believe the institute surveyed 2,000+ people or so. The results? Minneapolis-Saint Paul came in 26 out of 30. Only Kansas City, Cincinnati, Cleveland, and Detroit ranked lower. OUCH! Cities like Houston, Las Vegas, Saint Louis, Dallas, Phoenix, and Pittsburgh beat us. Double OUCH (Houston especially - that place is just awful)! I believe Denver came in first, San Diego second and Seattle third.

I have mixed thoughts on this survey. It definitely stung, as I have a lot of hometown pride. However, as we are enduring the worst winter since 1984, I can see why people would not want to live here. It's brutally cold in the winter, disgustingly muggy in the summer, and super sloppy in the spring (when we get a spring). We do have fantastic autumns here, so that's at least something. I get it though - the climate sucks for most of the year. And as it turns out, people really valued climate, particularly warmth, in their choices (though how Seattle came in third then is beyond me - hello no sun for half the year!). Also, most people who move here say it's extraordinarily difficult to break into a group of friends; basically that Minnesota Nice only exists on a surface level. Again, I have to admit they are probably right - I've actually known people who have said that their lives are full and that they don't need any more friends. Obviously, that sort of attitude doesn't help newcomers feel welcome. Plus, the level of passive-aggressiveness that exists here is insane! So much so that some of B's coworkers don't get her when she's just herself - speaks her mind and is completely honest and direct. Hell, sometimes even I don't get that - I'm always searching for the underlying truth of her statements. Clearly, that passive-aggressive thing was hammered into me.

Despite all the bad things about the Twin Cities, I still love it here. And I think others would too, if they gave it a shot. We have fantastic parks, lakes, and trails. We have good schools (Minnesota consistently ranks in the top 5 in the nation), and we have activities for all - all four major sports leagues have teams here, we have a WNBA team and a professional soccer league team, we have fantastic arts (consistently ranking near the top for regional theater, with the Lion King debuting here. Also, the Frida Kahlo show opened its U.S. tour here), and a decent night life (obviously not like NYC). For a city of this size, I think all that stuff is pretty damn good! Also, within 2.5 hours, you can be hanging out in Duluth and exploring Lake Superior, or within 4-5 hours, you can be off exploring the Boundary Waters Canoe Wilderness Area. I'm not sure how you beat that.

Maybe there is a lesson for us Minnesotans to learn from this survey: if we want people to move here and endure our brutal climate, we must be kinder and more open to newcomers. No one wants to move anywhere they can't make friends (my sister Samantha is struggling to make friends in Seattle now, and it took Sarah a full year to break in to a group in Northampton - that's hard stuff)! It doesn't help that most Minnesotans grew up here, which means they have a lifetime of built in friends and acquaintances. This also means a lifetime of familial and friend obligations as well. This phenomenon results in busy, full schedules and a crazy social calendar at times. However, it probably wouldn't be that hard to open our doors and our hearts to new folks from time to time. And really, we would probably benefit more from it than the newcomers in the long run anyway. Insularity is NOT a good thing, as it stifles learning and personal growth amongst other things.

Perhaps I should make it a goal to try to meet some new folks this year, sort of a belated New Year's resolution if you can call it that. I think I like that idea. Perhaps we should all give it a shot! Now I just need to figure out how to go about doing that...stay tuned.

More Holiday Madness

The holiday madness continued, as B and I celebrated with my family and the Halters on Christmas day. We opened presents in the morning, and then we shared a fabulous meal together. After that, we enjoyed treats and numerous rounds of Apples to Apples. Even my dad and Mary joined in for the game, and we had a blast! I love that game! The only thing missing: Samantha and Travis. It was definitely sad to not have them with us, and I hope in the future we can all be together on the holidays. Probably not likely, but a girl can dream. Despite the big hole caused by their absence, it was a great Christmas.

Oh, a sad note - my grandma joined us, and she is in terrible shape. The Alzheimer's has really taken hold, and she is almost completely incoherent - doesn't follow conversations and can't express her feelings. She still likes to help with things (she used to run the entire Christmas day, and she did it with grace - some of my best childhood memories are of Christmases at Grandma's and Grandpa's place), so I set her up with me to put cream cheese in the celery. It was painful to watch her attempt to figure it out, but with some guidance and patience, she was able to help. I think she was frustrated, but I also think she felt useful. Otherwise, she really didn't know what was going on. Sad to watch. I hope she soon reaches the stage where she no longer realizes that she can't remember things. That's the hardest part - to know she knows something is wrong, but we can't help her. So sad.

After Christmas, B and I hosted her parents for a few days to celebrate Hanukkah. On the 27th, we hosted a big Hanukkah meal for everyone, and it went really well. B did a great job with the meal, and everyone had a nice time. I really enjoyed spending time with B's family, and Karen and Paige too. I'm looking forward to incorporating a Hanukkah celebration into my holidays each year.

Things finally returned to normal after Christmas, at least until we left for Seattle on the 31st and I became sicker than a dog (see following posts for more details).

All in all, the holidays were fantastic this year. Busy as usual, but really packed with family, friends, and joy. No complaints at all! Can't wait until next year already!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving! I hope everyone had a great day. I definitely did; B and I watched the parade in the morning, walked Matty, and then I made some green bean casserole for our evening dinner. We went over to the Halters' and enjoyed a fantastic meal - thanks to Mary, Kelly and everyone else who helped for the food. Delicious!

After dinner, we played two really fun games that I had never played before: Apples to Apples and the Bomb (I think that second one is correct). All in all a great day. Tomorrow afternoon, B and I are heading to Wisconsin to spend some time with her family. I'm looking forward to the trip, and I think we will have a good time.

Here's what I'm thankful for this Thanksgiving:

1. My fantastic family and friends. Even though I'm separated from my sisters and Sarah, I'm still surrounded by excellent people I love and who love me. Can't ask for much more than that.
   
2. B.
3. My health and the health of those I love
4. Being employed - I know it's rough out there and it's going to get worse. I hope I can ride out the storm.
5. A warm and cozy place to live
6. Food - I'm blessed to be able to have almost whatever I want.
   
7. Weight watchers - it's helping me to change something I've wanted to change for a long time.
8. All the traveling I did in the last year - I recognize how fortunate I am to have had such wonderful opportunities to see different parts of our country and also Israel.
   
9. Volleyball and being able to play again. I love and miss team sports, and volleyball makes me happy.
10. Music - music is a constant in my life. It comforts me when I'm sad and increases my joy when I'm happy.
11. The light rail - I love riding the train to work, even if scary things sometimes happen at night.
    

I'm sure I forgot something, but I think that covers the big stuff. I hope everyone has something for which they can be thankful this year. Again, Happy Thanksgiving! Also, yay for the true beginning of the Christmas season too - my tree will be up soon! :)

I'm a Christmas junkie!

I LOVE Christmas. I love everything about it - the food, the decorations, the lights, the music, the drinks, the friends, the family, the shopping, gift wrapping, the tree, the smells, the baking, the cards, the parties, the movies, the warm feelings, toys for tots, the advent wreath, even Christmas mass (those last two are weird for me, but it's true). I just love Christmas. Some years I get into it more than other years, but I can already tell I'm REALLY into it this year. I've already been listening to the music, and I already bought some new ornaments. I go through the Christmas section every time I'm at Target, and I already planned a baking party. I just can't wait for the season to be upon us.

I'm not really sure from where this love of Christmas comes, as I'm not at all religious. I don't really think of it as celebrating the birth of Jesus. I'm not aruging that others should feel the same or anything, but to me, it's quite secular. Maybe I love it because everyone seems a lot nicer around Christmas. People donate their time and money to help others, and everyone just seems happier (except at the malls and their parking lots). Or perhaps it's about all the family and friend gatherings or the fabulous food. Or maybe it's all the fantastic childhood memories of visits with Santa, meals and treats at grandma's, and school vacations. I'm not sure.

Even if I cannot pinpoint the exact reason why I love Christmas, I do know that all of it in combination creates a feeling of joy. Danette and I always talk about how decorating the tree brings us joy, or how about buying the ornaments brings us joy. All of it brings us joy. Simply stated, Christmas fills me with joy, and it's truly a wonderful feeling. I wish I could bottle it up and carry it with me all year long. The world would be a much kinder, more caring place if I could.

So, as we approach the Christmas season (or other holidays), I hope you can experience it as I do - joyously. Doing so requires overlooking the insanity at the malls and all the other hustle and bustle and taking the time to just enjoy the moment. Really look at the lights, hum the Christmas tunes, drink the hot cocoa, enjoy the treats, and spend time with your friends and family. Give your time and your money (if you can) to a local charity, and make someone's life a little brighter. Go the extra mile to make someone's day better, whether it be via kind words or deeds. Simply put, find the Christmas spirit and put it into action. Together, we can make the world a better, warmer, kinder place, if only for a month or two. Perhaps the change will carry over into the rest of the year...a long shot, but you never know.

To conclude, and I know it's early (really early), I wish you and yours a wonderfully merry and joyous Christmas! May you find and feel the joy that I do each year, and may all your wishes come true.

PS: If you are going to anything Christmas-y, let me know as I would love to tag along. Kids' concerts, light displays, parades, you name it and I want in. Thanks!

So much hatred...

Despite my elation over Obama's victory, there was a lot to be sad about on election night as well. First, voters in four states, Arizona, Arkansas, California, and Florida, all passed anti-gay constitutional amendments. Arizona, California, and Florida amended their constitutions to ban gay marriage, and Arkansas banned gay adoption. If I understand correctly, Florida's provision was especially onerous, as I think it banned domestic partnership agreements as well (don't quote me on that - I need to do the follow up research).

The loss in California was especially devastating because their Supreme Court had just recently held that the denial of marriage to gay couples violated the state constitution. I really hoped that California would lead the way on this issue, as it often leads the way on most social issues. This time, it failed miserably, and the loss really, really hurt. I believe CA also voted to protect animal rights while at the same time taking away basic civil rights from humans. Ouch. I'm all about animal rights, but come on.

I will never understand why people are so scared of me or other gay people or why they hate us so much that they feel it's okay to deny us basic civil rights. No matter what they try to say, it's simply no different than voting for Jim Crow laws or "separate but equal." Hell, it's not even an attempt at equal. I am a second class citizen in this nation because of who I love, which is something I cannot control, and it makes me angry and sad. Obama's election might show us how far we've come in some ways, but the results in those four states show us how far we still have to go.

To those who voted for such measures or who support them, I find you despicable and pathetic. I don't care who I anger by saying that - it's true. In 10, 20, 30, or maybe even 50 years, society will look back on you the way we look back on slaveholders or segregationists, and you or your relatives will be ashamed of your bigotry and hatred. Times are changing, and you are being left behind. History will not be kind to your bigoted asses. And while I'm not religious, no God I believe in will be kind to you either. You should be ashamed of yourselves. Grow up, and grow a heart.

I'm sure the response will be that it's about preserving the family, religion, or something besides hatred...but we can see right through that. It's a bullshit, cowardly response, and again, history will not be kind. Wake up now, or regret your choices later. One day you will see this, and you will regret the time you spent filled with hate and ignorance. I hope it's sooner rather than later, but I doubt it.

Clearly, I'm quite angry about the anti-gay results. However, that's not the only thing that bummed me out on election day. Minnesota's overall results weren't that great - Coleman is winning, even if barely, Paulsen beat Madia, and Michele "nut job" Bachmann was also reelected. How can Minnesota go for Obama in such huge numbers and then turn around and elect extreme conservatives in other places? Obviously, the burbs aren't the ones voting for Obama, but it's still quite stunning.

As for the Senate race, I do know that Al Franken wasn't a great choice, and I have friends who couldn't stomach voting for him. Plus, Coleman isn't a bible thumping, social conservative or anything totally crazy. I guess I'm not all that surprised at that race. The DFL often chooses the wrong candidate, and I think this was another example of that. Regardless of what went wrong in this race, it makes me sad that Norm still fills Wellstone's seat.

Bachmann's reelection was especially disturbing, as the woman is not only completely unqualified but she is also a total and complete bigot - and she's proud of it! She basically runs on an anti-gay, anti-choice, pro-fossil fuels consumption, pro-war, pro-ending church and state separation, anti-all tax platform and convinces the people of the 6th district to vote for her. WTF!?! This is a woman who actually hid behind bushes to watch the OutFront rally at the state capitol, and a woman who basically wants to bring back McCarthyism, and yet she is still in office. It actually takes work to be that anti-gay, and it usually comes from personal experience. Perhaps her husband bats for the other side...there have been rumors about that. Regardless of what made her crazy, I always knew I felt uncomfortable in the 6th District, and now I am convinced that my feelings were absolutely correct. Scary place for sure, especially for anyone who is different. Best part about Bachmann? She now thinks she's qualifed to sit on the House Ways and Means Committee! God help us all...I'm pretty sure her law degree (she claims her experience as a tax attorney qualifies her) is from some a bible college affiliated with the Oral Roberts University. Yeah, I'm sure she's qualified. Excellent.

So, while I felt happy about Obama's victory, election night 2008 left a lot to be desired, especially for all gay Americans. Obama might be our ally, but he's not going to lead the way for change for us. Few politicians have the courage to take a real stand, and I don't think he'll be different.

Overall, the outcomes left me feeling sad, but also angry. I'm hoping that others feel the same way too and that we can channel that anger into some constructive grass roots advocacy for change. Lord knows we have a long way to go before we reach equality. Let's start today. I still believe in America, and I still believe in Americans. Hatred and bigotry are not our destiny, and we can overcome them. Obama's election definitively proves that. To steal his line, "yes we can!" Together, we can fulfill America's promise, one day and one person at a time. It might take all of my life time and all of my children's life time, but we can do it. Say no to hatred, and say no to bigotry. Say yes to equal rights for all Americans, gay or straight, black or white, rich or poor, able or disabled! We can do this, we can make a difference. "Yes we can! Yes we can! Yes we can!"

PS: It's posts like this that will prevent me from ever running from political office. I just can't reach out and tell anti-gay folks that I hear their voices and that I understand. I just don't have it in me. C'est la vie!

Congrats, President Obama!

I was thrilled with the presidential election on Tuesday night. I admit that I wasn't an Obama fan from day one, but once Hillary Clinton lost, I got on board rather quickly. I also admit that I don't hate John McCain like many people do. I actually think he wouldn't have been nearly as bad as Bush. However, it was time for a fresh start, and McCain wouldn't have brought that. He is too entrenched in the old ways of thinking, and he's also relatively socially conservative. Plus, Sarah Palin is a nut, almost along the lines of Michele Bachmann nuttiness. No good. Anyway, my point is that I was happy, relieved, and grateful that Obama won.

As I said earlier, the country needs a fresh start, and Obama can bring that. We face the gravest economic challenge since the Great Depression, we are in two wars abroad, and the health care system is in shambles (amongst other problems). It's time for new leadership, and it's time to make tough choices. Obama's greatest challenge might be to try to bring everyone together, which is what America needs right now. We are all going to have to work together, and everyone is going to have to sacrifice to get through this crisis. I don't envy his task, but I think he has a better chance of succeeding than John McCain would have. Only time will tell, but I feel more hopeful than I have for 8 long years. That says a lot.

I do hope the nation will come together behind Obama, but unfortunately I just don't see that happening. There is too much hate and too much anger (not to mention racism). In fact, I actually worry for Obama's safety because of those things...sad, but true. Regardless, we need to come together. It won't be easy, but I hope he succeeds. I also hope no one tries to harm him or his family in the next four (hopefully eight) years.

Really, I shouldn't harp on all the problems Obama will face, and I should take a moment to celebrate what he accomplished. It was absolutely an historic day, and I got to be a part of it. America has a long, long way to go to heal the wounds caused by racism (and worse), but Tuesday was a huge step forward. It was a momentous day, and I'm proud to say I was a part of it. So, no matter what happens next, I will always feel proud and happy about the presidential election of 2008.

A little poetry - myspace blog post

Remember by Christina Rossetti

Remember me when I am gone away,

Gone far away into the silent land;

When you can no more hold me by the hand,

Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.

Remember me when no more day by day

You tell me of our future that you planned:

Only remember me; you understand

It will be late to counsel then or pray.

Yet if you should forget me for a while

And afterwards remember, do not grieve:

For if the darkness and corruption leave

A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,

Better by far you should forget and smile

Than that you should remember and be sad.

Goodbye 2L, hello 3L! - myspace blog post

So, I took my last final today, and assuming I pass every test (fingers crossed), I am now a 3L! This means only one year of law school left. I can't believe how the last two years have flown by. It's simply nuts.

Anyway, as I watched the 3Ls pick up their caps and gowns today, it was hard not to feel a bit sentimental. I always get like that for the start and end of any school year. It's hard to think that will be me next year (barring disaster). Poof, off we all go into the world (some of us for the second time!). Craziness. I'm so glad I've met the people I've met at school, and I look forward to our continued friendships.

On another note, as I sat down at home tonight, I realized that for the first time in an entire year, I have nothing really hanging over my head. No homework, no law review, nothing. It's odd because I thought I would feel ecstatic about that, but instead, I sort of feel...numb or even a bit melancholy. As Stacey says, the whole thing is sort of anticlimatic. Also, it's hard not to feel a little disconnected and thus lonely after finals period, as I literally tend to hunker down in my apartment with books, food, diet coke (TONS of diet coke), and my bed. So friends, let's see each other soon. I miss you!

I start my job on Monday, so tomorrow is my last teaching day. It will be sad to say good bye to the kids; I had a fabulous year with them and I would definitely do it all over again. I learned a lot from them, and I like to think they might have learned something from me too! However, I'm also looking forward to a new challenge and I think this summer should be really exciting. I get to work in downtown Minneapolis, and I've never done that before. I think it will be quite the experience. My main goal is to make Halleland love me enough that they will be thrilled to hire me. I'm gonna turn on my lovely charm (and I will of course work hard) and hope for the best.

Anyway, I should take my sentimental self to bed so I can be fresh for the kids tomorrow. Love to all!

Whoa... - myspace blog post

So today I did something big, something that was very hard for me. It was both good and hard. It made me feel happy and sad, and also a bit proud for doing it. I won't go into any more details than that...just that it's funny that you never know where life will bring you and if you are making the right choices. A simple thing can call everything into question...I'm going to let Dar sum things up. I've always loved this song, and it really speaks to me.

Spring Street by Dar Williams:

"I'm sorry that I left you
With your questions all alone
But I was too happy drivingAnd too angry to drive home
I was thinking about the easy courage
Of my distant friends
They said I could let this bridge wash out
And never make amends

Can I blow this small town
Make a big sound
Like the star of a film noir postcard
Can I just forget the frames I shared with you

And I can't believe what they're saying
They're saying I can change my mind
Start over on Spring Street
I'm welcome anytime

Well there are Spring Street storefront daisies
Floating on their neon stems
There are new shirts on the clothes racks
Should I feel like one of them
I can find a small apartment
Where a struggling artist died
And pretend because I pay the rent
I know that pain inside

Yeah, let's watch the tour bus stop and tell us
Here's the scene of a spring green life dream
Take the best part
Write it in your caffeine diary

And I can't believe what they're saying
They're saying I can leave tonight
Start over on Spring Street
I'm welcome anytime

This year April had a blizzard
Just to show she did not care
And the new dead leaves
They made the trees look like children with gray hair
But I'll push myself up through the dirt
And shake my petals free
I'm resolved to being born
And so resigned to bravery

Yeah the one who leaves this also grieves this
Too much rain on a prairie flood plain
Houses floating, love is like that
We built on the river

And that's to say, yeah I'm leaving
But I don't have to go there
I don't have to go to Spring Street'
Cause it's spring everywhere... "